...telling U2 how they can make him care...which he won't.

Oh did you hear U2 released a new album. It's supposedly their best since Achtung Baby

Quick...which album am I talking about? Because it could be either All That You Can't Leave Behind or How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb or No Line on the Horizon, all of which were called the best since Achtung Baby. None of them, you note, have been called the best since the previous one that was the best.

And there's the rub: All three of those albums came out with big singles and were hailed as a band rediscovering its step and in the end...they really didn't. They are fine albums, I'm sure, and if they were done by any other group than U2 they could be classics (I'm going to go off on a limb here, though, and just say you should all listen to more British Sea Power. That is all I'll say on that for now).

U2, though, is more known for their activism than their music. There's nothing wrong with that. You've been given the biggest pulpit in the world, why not use it? And it's not like they just came to God: Bono's been like this his entire life.

Musically, however, they are a spent force. Their albums sell well and sound okay, but there's none of the innovation that used to be there. There are tricks, little fakes that make it sound like they are innovating, but really aren't doing anything. The music for U2 is an afterthought.

So what does U2 do? Do they admit that they're not so much about the music, and that the music is just an excuse to get publicity for their activism? That's opposite from the way music and activism are supposed to work. And it's EXACTLY how to get me to pretend to care about U2 again. To wit:

• Chances are it's safe to assume that they have LOTS of money. They have the back catalogue, they have the tours, they have their hotel. They've sold songs to Apple. I think all the members of the band are rich.
• In alternate world, Bono comes out when they start recording the album and says EVERYTHING in the bullet point above. Maybe he tosses in "I'm richer than Jesus" or something like that.
• THEN he says this: Since I'm richer than Jesus, from here on in every cent that U2 makes off of every album, every concert ticket, every t-shirt is going to charity. Every single one. We're not paying ourselves a salary. We're in this to make the world a better place. You don't have to get a cross-branded iPod, or a shirt from the Gap. Every time you listen to U2, every time you buy an album, you're helping us make the world a better place.

So basically what I'm saying is: make the sacrifice that you are expecting your fans to make. Admit that you have more than your fair share, and are going to keep making more, and take that and turn it around.

I might not care then that they keep making music that is less and less interesting and that while Bono wasn't the worst thing in Across the Universe he was far from the best thing (the best thing: credits running at the end so I knew it was over), but I might actually buy an album knowing that even if I don't care about it, I care about what it can do.