... recalling the worst thing he ever did.

So I'm sure a lot of people are expecting details from my recent trip, and they will come as soon as we get the pictured developed (yes, we went old school with actual FILM).

So instead, I'm going to rehash an old chestnut of my youth. Some of you know the story already, and some don't, and some just know ABOUT the story. So for posterity, I'll write it here.

This story is called "The Worst Thing I Ever Did". Not a great title, I know. They all can't be Cloud Atlas.

This story takes place just after Christmas. Now, I can't quite remember the year. I'm willing to go with either 1992 or 1993. I was working part time in my sister and brother-in-law's Work World clothing store in the Halifax Shopping Centre. We had a pretty laid back attitude there, probably too laid back, but laid back none-the-less.

Working in a mall creates a lot of existential dread. Spend enough hours there and you get like Apu when he worked many hours in a row, and you're running along like a hummingbird. After that, you will crash, and crash hard. Now, over Christmas, double that.

So, it was a few days after Christmas, and I'd just about had enough of the forced joy and being nice to people. I hadn't entered into complete and utter misanthropy, but I was at the level before it: complete, utter and brutal honesty.

So it was at this time, a few days after Christmas, when the three girls came in. I remember the one in the middle, she looked about 18 or so, long blond hair. I can't remember much about the other two. One was brunette I think. But I remember the one in the middle because she was happy and smiling and talking loudly when she came in. Very eager, very friendly.

They shopped around a bit, picked up a few things. I cannot remember what they were, but I remember they actually did buy something. I was behind the cash when they came up, the happy loud talking blond in the middle, her friends on either side. There was the typical small talk. I noticed that she not only talked loudly, but her voice had a lot of low notes and not many high ones, sorta like she was muffled. "Ah," thought I because I thought I was smart, "she has a head cold."

This is where our little play starts. And remember, I'm in complete, utter, brutal honestly mode, and she's speaking a little loudly and sounds like she has a head cold.

Her: So...did you have a good Christmas?
Me: Yeah, yeah, it was a good one.
Her: Was Santa good to you?
Me:I guess.
Her: You guess? You mean you don't know?
Me: Yeah, if you still believe in that kinda stuff.

All stories have The Point of No Return, the point at which the rest of the action and the climax become inevitable, the point at which the plot takes over. This was that moment.

Her: What do you mean?
Me: Well..you know, the whole Santa thing.

All good stories have the point where the protagonist hits his nadir, the lowest point of the story, when all hope is lost. This was that moment. See how quick things were spiraling?

Her: Do you mean....what....errr...*at which point she starts getting choked up*
Me: You...you...didn't know?
Her: *the sobbing in coming more to the fore, and I can see the look in her face. One of her friends takes her by the shoulders and consoles her a little.*
Her brunette friend: *leaning in towards me, and being quite apologetic considering* Please don't feel bad. Her parents are way too overprotective. You see, she's partially deaf and...a little slow.

Now comes the moment in the story when the protagonist has flashbacks to everything...she was talking loudly. She was very eager to be friendly. She sounded like she had a head cold...OH DEAR GOD SHE'S KAISER SOZE!

Me: Oh....I'm so sorry....you see...I...I'm not Christian and so never really believed in this stuff *moving quickly to cover up he crucifix around my neck.*
Her: *gaining control* It's okay...I....just feel bad for mom and dad...what will they think when they find out? (At least something to that effect. At this point my head was rushing so much that I don't recall everything, but her point boiled down to that she felt she couldn't tell her parents she knew because it would break their hearts, which in turn broke mine)

The rest was pretty much her friends calming her down and taking their purchases and leaving the store. They weren't angry at me, and implied that these types of things happened a lot, where she would have some childhood myth destroyed by someone accidentally. The whole thing took maybe 3 minutes, but they were three of the longest and fastest minutes of my life.

It became one of those moments that I'll think about at the weirdest times and feel like I'm back there. I might even start talking like I was there, making a sort of action movie "Noooooooo" to try to stop it. I'll then want to shrink away and just never be seen again.

I know it wasn't my fault entirely, that there's no way I could have known. But I also didn't have to say the things I did, I could have just said "Oh...it was good" and leave it at that. Instead, because I was in University and knew everything and had to slay everyone's perceptions and myths, I did what I did.

So there it is...The Worst Thing I Ever Did.

Next time I feel the need for a story, I'll tell you why I have a great talent in telling a ripe tomato from an over-ripe tomato.