...proposing the strict enforcement of Chekhov's Law.

Please read the next section in its entirety.

Warning: This post contains spoilers for Transformers, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, WALL-E, Citizen Kane, Lord of the Flies, and possibly Misery. If you don't want these spoilt, ready only the next sentence and then go to another article. Bruce Willis is dead in The Sixth Sense, but I don't consider this a spoiler because if you don't even have to watch carefully to notice he got killed in the first scene by someone from New Kids on the Block.

So, I don't want to join the dogpile on Transformers 2: The Revenge of the Fallen (or "Who gives a damn about the profits of Tesco?") but (1) it's so much fun and (2) everyone is missing the BIG reason why the movie is so horrible.

First of all, some other reasons people have been using to measure the horribleness of it all, and why I don't consider these:

1. The twin characters. Sure they're played for buffoons, but they are no worse than average character in a Wayans Brothers movie, or even a Larry the Cable Guy monologue.
2. It's big and loud. Yes, yes it is. Annoyingly so. Then again, it is a borderline kids movie about robots that destroy the pyramids.
3. It's Fascist. Yup. No argument here. But I can ignore this because there was a preview for GI Joe before it, so I was already in my angry place about that.
4. It's visually jumbled. It just tosses things left right and center, shots are either so quick and frantic that you have no idea what's going on, or shot in slow motion and so obvious as to where they are going to end that it's not suspenseful, it's just annoying. see Bay, Micheal.

But there is something else in the movie that makes no sense, and it was present in the first one also.

There is a law of drama/writing that is often attributed to Chekhov (and if I have to explain who that is, here's a handy link to explain it all) that often reads as the following

If you have a gun that goes off in the third act, it must be seen in the first act. If a gun is seen in the first act, it must be fired in the third act.

Essentially it's foreshadowing, but also it's saying that when you tell a story you have a covenant with your audience that exists even if they don't realize that you're making it. Sometimes it can be a little heavy handed ("My hot boyfriend drinks a lot of red stuff and can't go out in the sun.") but sometimes they are wonderfully done. WALL-E has a great example where on Earth our little metal hero plays with the propellant feature of a fire extinguisher. He then does the same later in space to get away from an exploding space capsule.

It can also be very subtle: In Citizen Kane you can actually see the letters "sebu" on the sled that a young Charles Foster Kane hits Walter Parks Thatcher with, and later when he meets Susan Alexander he says he's on his way to a warehouse. The connection between the two incidents and his choice of a last word is revealed in the final scene.

So...what does this have to with Transformers and Transformers 2: Revenge of the Franchise?

In the first movie, we are given a painfully slow explanation of how Optimus Prime plans to sacrifice himself by asking Sam "I can't drive coz of DUI" Witnicky to put the All Spark (s must burn out) in his chest cavity because that will cause some sort of explosion that will destroy them both, but protect humans who can teach them to love or something like that, I was looking at my watch at the time. Fine...I get it. So the robots fight. And then when all looks lost, Optimus Prime tells him to put it in put the All Spark in Megatron's chest. And so..

Wait wait wait...put it in Megatron's chest. But...but...they kept telling us that it was going to be Optimus Prime, not just anyone, that there was something special about Prime that made this happen. In my mind I went all Annie Wilkes "HE DIDN'T GET OUT OF THE COCK-A-DOODIE CAR! ".

Okay, I know I take my movies quite seriously, and it was a fun ride with 'splosions and kabloyees. There's a time for art and a time for joy. So when Transformers 2: Revenge of the Nerds Revenge came out, and my wife wanted to see it I figured there are worst ways to spend a day.

There aren't many. And again, what bothered me the most was the way it just ignored the rules of story telling.

In this one, there is a final battle between Optimus Prime and The Fallen, and only a prime can beat The Fallen (for reasons that are never explained other than "Coz!"). So the whole time I'm thinking "How will they get out of this one so that the little remote-controlled-leg-humping robot can win the battle? Because otherwise? He outlived is purpose an hour ago." No! Instead they bring back Jetscream, who sacrifices himself so that his mechanical strength and body can go onto Prime and enhance his abilities and give him the upper hand.

And again: Where did THAT come from? You're telling me that we got ten minutes of Sam's mother running around the campus high on pot brownies but they couldn't have tossed in a line like "Many of us died fighting The Fallen, but those that remained sacrificed themselves and gave up their energy so that the Primes could finish him off."? This would also close the loop and give Jetsteam some relate-able reasons for changing sides from the Decepticons. They say the Primes sacrificed themselves to imprison an artifact (and don't get me started on the bait and switch with the Matrix of Leadership) but they could have added a little background to let you play along at home about how the battle might play out. This ranks right up there with the end of The Lord of the Flies where the adults just show up and everything goes back to normal. (brilliantly lampooned on The Simpson: "And then they were saved by, I dunno, Moe".)

So, while everyone is (in my opinion) rightfully picking on Transformers 2: Will Kids in the Future Even Know That GM was a Real Company for perceived messages, the real reason to pick on it is a simple one: it has no respect for the story it is trying to tell.

For the record: The Island? Underrated. Very very underrated.