... Arctic Monkeys at Kool Haus Sep 29, 2009

So imagine Split Enz's spent six months on a leaky boat which lands them in the England, where they meet some nice girl and have a couple of kids, and those kids grow up listening to The Kinks from their uncle's old vinyl collection. Now imagine that just as they turn 12 or so there's a really messy divorce and mom moves with her new husband, a US serviceman, to Seattle in the mid 90s.

What you would get, other than an impenetrable accent, is something that would not entirely be unlike Arctic Monkeys, especially on their latest album Humbug (produced by Josh Homme of Them Crooked Vultures, Queens of the Stone Age, Eagles of Death Metal and one day, I am sure, The Carpenters of Gangsta Rap).

I had managed to miss the Monkeys first few shows in Toronto, including what was at the time the unprecedented feat of opening for Oasis one night and then playing their own show the next - all for their first album, the Mercury Prize winning Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not. Their albums are also a hodgepodge of energy. Alex Turner writes with the perception of Ray Davies and the measured vitriol of a middle period Elvis Costello. In a way, the band are prodigies whose song structures and writing betray their age. Turner has even had the time and energy to start a side project with a member of the Miles Kane of The Rascals (U.K.) - The Last Shadow Puppets - which has its own style and outlook. This is all an historical way of saying that this should have been an interesting show.

And it was, just not for the reasons that I would have anticipated.

The latest bunch of Brit art-rock and indie bands all have a dance-ability to them - Franz Ferdinand, Bloc Party, Maximo Park, even Glasvegas. Most of them seem to combine some part of the Madchester scene with the wireyness of English punk and a dose of shoegazing involved, and it works in its own way. Listening to either of the first two Arctic Monkey albums at home will cause head bobs and involuntary hand motions. So you'd imagine that the show would be a groovefest, with many Torontonians doing The White Boy.

However, there is a certain hallmark to the Arctic Monkeys. Their songs are very dynamic and have a groove, but are also punctuated by a lot of starts and stops and time changes. Think of their biggest hit "I Bet You Look Good On the Dancefloor" - it starts with a full almost grunge-like guitar raveup, and then goes into a sort of indie chord jangle, all before Turner starts singing, and when he does his vocal rhythm comes into the song at an angle. (ed note - Stop snickering! I know as much about the technical terms about music as most people know about the Large Hadron Collider!) When you get to the chorus, you're back to another rave up. For a song that seems direct and punky it actually comes off like a shorter version of Genesis' "Get 'Em Out By Friday". (I kid! I kid because I love!)

All of this is to say that for the most part the crowd was confused with exactly how to move to the music. There might be a bit of the full on White Boy, or some Madness-era skanking, and some full on Happy Monday's Bez-like motion (which have been the right answer) and this was all in the same song. The front of the stage seemed to be a cross between dancing and 90s era moshing and crowd surfing.

The net result was a show that rocked, but didn't groove. This isn't a problem per se, but it's a bit of a disappointment. They are all amazing musicians (supporting my "Train theory" of British rock), but their stage presence is mostly from the Oasis school of "standing with a purpose". So while you go in expecting a show that grooves you get one that rocks, and so on the fly you have to change your expectations and how you plan to interact with the music.

There also appeared to be some sound issues during the show which might have impacted their playing ability/enthusiasm and caused there to be some pretty lengthy breaks between songs. This also might have been why "Fluorescent Adolescent", which practically jumps off of Favourite Worst Nightmare might have seemed so limp.

Would I see Arctic Monkeys again? Probably not. Do I regret going? Not really. Do I wish I had been better prepared? Probably.

The Venue/The Crowd

It was a cool night, so for once the temperature of Kool Haus was actually comfortable. Exiting was not comfortable, nor is everyone getting crammed in the courtyard.

The crowd - Okay, I like to think I be an open minded dude. When the two guys in the track suits and ball caps showed up I figured "Oh yeah, the douche bomb has gone off at the frat house." Soon they started falling over each other in the way most drunken frat boys do which provides me so much entertainment.

Only they didn't stop at just falling over each other.

Oh no.

Oh yes.

Are we encountering a new subset? Is this the male Lipstick Lesbian? It's not On the Down Low - it's much more open than that, but takes in so many aspects of a culture that is normally not open. Did I miss a memo here? Does this subset really exist, does it have a name, and if not, shall we name it ourselves?