... tired of excuses being made for "Good Boys"

When I read my beloved Globe and Mail, I normally skip over Roy MacGregor's This Country column. It's a type of forced patriotism and social class fetishisation that I abhor (add to that the sponsored parody that the Olympic torch relay has become).

Today as I sat down to my Weetabix I saw that his column was on the first page, and it was about how the Edmonton Oilers Ice Hockeying Club was stuck in Calgary and proceeded to rack up an impressive tab at an upscale eatery, and then decided that they didn't need to pay the whole thing. You can go and read it here; I'll wait.

So, there are a few things I really hate about Canada (Feist, Feist, FEIST!). Flat out hate. (FFFFFEEEEEIIIISSSSTTTTTT!!!!!!) One of them is the apotheosis of the hockey player.

I want you to take a look at the tone in the article. MacGregor does everything he can to make the owner of the restaurant appear villainous. Allegations of a sold story, using a tone and quotes to imply that he's telling a "the dog ate my homework, honest. Look, I have soggy ripped paper here" tale. However the restaurateur is behaving in the telling of his tale, it doesn't give MacGregor license to paint him as guilty when he is clearly the victim in this situation.

Secondly, let's talk about the behavior of the players. I've never heard of anyone claiming that shots are bought by the bottle. I've bought bottles and had them at my table for my consumption, but I've never ordered a whole bunch of shots and said "That's about a bottle's worth". It's just not done. No matter how MacGregor tries to paint it, that's not in doubt.

As well, I was not raised in a barn (I clearly remember that part - no barn) and knew that if I sipped from a bottle it was then my bottle because it was full of my backwash. As I grew up I also gained a level of sophistication and also knew that brandy is not cheap - that's one of the reasons for the fancy glasses and the whole ceremony about it. So to take a swig and say "What do you mean I owe you for the bottle," especially when you're crying about buying shots from the bottle, is pretty hypocritical and, well, Jason Stackhouse Stupid.

The article also talks about the culture of silence around this behavior. Another restaurant owner is quoted talking about how this might happen, but they would accept whatever the hockeyists wanted and then shut up, lest they lose the business. I'm married to someone who works in the restaurant industry, and I watch the Food Network. It doesn't take much to know that restaurants work pretty close to the bone, even in the best of times. Alcohol is where they money is made. If I went into your workplace, took a truckload of things and said "Since I'm a World-Famous Blogger, here are some magic beans", my picture would be rightfully circulated as an idiot. If I were a hockeyist, however, this means that you should shut up and take it.

This is where the HULK MAD part of me gets all up in the grill. MacGregor's defense of them is that in small towns they often get preferential treatment, and that they don't earn a lot in those days and now they earn more, but are given more, and haven't adjusted to that yet.

Oh really?

Although I did not grow up in a barn (see above), I did grow up in a small, arguably economically depressed town in a small, arguably economically depressed region, and I didn't even know about Dom Perignon until I moved to Toronto and I found out about this in terms of "Yo, this is ex-peeeeennnn-sive". And despite the fact that I live in a prosperous world-class city I've drank exactly zero units. The amount I also believe I am entitled to as a World-Famous Blogger: less than zero units. Yet somehow these boys, who according to MacGregor are innocents thrown out into a cruel cruel world run by restaurant owners who lick their lips and stroke their Van Dyck beards when their bus breaks down at the crossroads, didn't know what they were doing and confused by this change in their lifestyles.

Of course. Because they're just good boys.

Like Patrick Kane, who tried to stiff a cab driver out of his fair fare, and when the driver tried to get his story out, the first priority of the Canadian sports press was to try to make the driver the victim.

Like Shane Doan, who arguably said some racist things about French Canadians in the middle of a game. There was a great upheaval about this, especially concerning similar things said on a national platform by Don Cherry week after week, things bordering on the things that cost Al Campanis his job. But Doan scored a goal the next day, and the headlines said "Doan silences his critics!" No he didn't. He scored a goal. Completely different things.

Like Chris Simon, who stomped on Jarkko Ruutu's leg with his skate blade, nettef a 30 day suspension for this action. The reaction: Ruutu had it coming with his attitude. Marc Spector said that he has too much respect for Simon as a player to think that he needs that big a suspension.

Like Todd Bertuzzi, who attempted murder on Steve Moore. Bertuzzi was just a good boy, who was defending a teammate. Steve Moore was stupid for doing the same for his team and should have expected this and thanked Bertuzzi for the lesson. In fact, how dare he, the man who cannot walk or play the game he loves or earn a living, initiate legal action action against poor innocent Bertuzzi, a legal action which might have prevented him from playing for the Olympic team in Turin (which did good enough for 7th with him). Who does he think he is, a hockey player? Only in Canada, only in hockey, would there even be a debate.

And people wonder why hockey can't "make it" in the states. It's because they see this. They see a league full of boys in states of arrested development, spoilt rotten, making up their own rules as they go along.

We had a name for them: Bullies. We had a name for what they did: Bullying. It's when you take something from someone and then expect special treatment based on your own code that means something to you and you alone, but everyone must respect it.

And like most bullying cases, this one is pretty cut and dried.